NONVIOLENT COMUNICATION V

In our five-post blog series, we examined nonviolent communication from different perspectives and mentioned how it can be used in the mediation process. In this last post of the series, we will talk about nonviolent communication from the mediator’s perspective.

First of all, in order to establish nonviolent communication in the mediation process, the mediator helps to establish a bond between people. He/she explains to people that the aim of the dispute resolution process is to communicate based on their needs, not to impose their own wishes. This communication will be possible through the mediator’s support to the people in conflict.

The steps to be followed in conflict resolution through nonviolent communication, which are explained in detail in our previous articles, are summarized below:

• One of the people in the conflict expresses his/her needs. This does not always happen in accordance with nonviolent communication methods. In such cases, the mediator supports them by asking questions to uncover the needs underlying the statements.

• People listen to each other’s statements without judgment or being defensive, focusing only on their needs. The mediator uses communication techniques such as reflection and summarizing for this purpose.

• People reflect back to each other what they understand from each other’s expressions. This continues until they fully understand the other person’s needs. The mediator should make sure that people understand each other’s needs.   

• The fourth stage is the empathy stage. In order to achieve this, the mediator first of all ensures that people really listen to each other. It is an important step to accept the existence of each other’s needs rather than whether or not they are justified.

While this whole process continues, the mediator has some obligations. The mediator takes on the role of a impartial third party in the process. The principle of impartiality is clearly explained to the individuals in the opening speech at the beginning of the mediation process. In addition, non-violent communication steps can be explained to the individuals and it can be explained that if this method is followed, it will be easier to reach a solution.

As mentioned above, the mediator asks questions to reveal the needs in people’s expressions. Each statement is a reflection of a need. Sometimes it will not be easy to uncover the needs behind the statements. Some people believe that the more they repeat something, the more it will be understood. In such cases, the mediator’s task will be identifying the need and ensuring that the process continues.